Everything I learned in life, I learned from my horses

Sounds weird, right? I mean, why am I writing about horses on my educational blog? Humans are creatures of learning. We learn all the time, every day, every moment. Learning isn't work; it's life.

I have been raising horses for a long time. I had a herd stallion that ran with my mares, and you quickly learn that things are not always as they appear on the surface and how they get presented on documentaries. You have to look at the nuances regarding their behavior and relationships, not just what you see on the surface. Very much like we have to with people.


I had two mares. They were born on the same property, and were nearly full sisters. Same sire and their dams were half sisters.  I have had both of them for the majority of their lives - I purchased one of them at the age of 3 and the other one at the age of 4. The older one was born a year earlier than the young one, so I purchased them the same year. Prior to purchasing them, they spent an interim year on back-to-back, within site and touching of one another. (I bought the mares from two friends of mine that are sisters.)


The mares lived with me on the same property (mostly) for the next 17 years of their lives. About three years ago, the younger one started having weight problems and COPD issues. We sent both sisters to "retire" up on 100 acres in the Big Thicket with some friends, with a small herd of their horses. Believe me, this is horse heaven! Fertilized rye and coastal as far as the eye can see - lots of treats, and they had their own pond to cool off in. They spent several months there. The younger mare continued to deteriorate, despite all efforts to put weight on her. She wasn't suffering, and her bloodwork was healthy, but I suspect she had cancer. She was just slowing down more and more. She and her older sister, were their own herd; they would eat off by themselves. The other horses were not hostile to them, but they all kept to themselves. 


The young one, Sadie, had a favorite deep patch of grass in the sun in which she would sleep. Her naps would get longer and longer, and often, her older sister Racehorse, would stand watch over her while she slept. One morning, Sadie went to nap with Racehorse standing watch over her, and never got back up. She peacefully died in her sleep. Racehorse continued to stand over her for a few hours. Then, when the property owner got the tractor to take Sadie away, the other horses came and got Racehorse, and took her away. Just like that, they integrated her into the herd. 


I was/am struggling with my own grief - my life partner of 20+ years, Steve, had passed from terminal cancer in July 2009 after two years of battle. When my friend who kept the horses shared the story of Sadie and Racehorse with me, I was relieved that Racehorse accepted the death of her sister and pasturemate, and went willingly with her new family, and that they came to get her. I have seen the grief process with horses before; it is an amazing thing. But there is always that moment of doubt - will she let it go, will the other herd accept her, support her?


I was able to look at my own grief process and realize that I was struggling with letting go of Steve. We had a very complete relationship, and we made plans together about how I would move on. I have made progress, but I was struggling with grief a great deal at this time. I suddenly realized that I was fighting to hold on to Steve's memory. Humans are given a great gift - we are designed to forget the bad stuff. Women are designed chemically to forget the pain of childbirth, otherwise, why would they do it again? We are designed to remember our loved ones as healthy and happy, rather than ill and frail at the end of their lives. 


And yet, so often, we believe that letting the bad stuff go means we will forget those loved ones. I was internally frantic because I couldn't remember Steve after chemo, only as the healthy person with whom I spent so many years. I found myself in fear of forgetting - and realized the absurdity of it. 


My mares, that so many people refer to as "dumb animals," never forgot one another. They could separated for a year during training, but when they walked back into the pasture together, it was as though they were never apart. And Racehorse didn't think she was "betraying Sadie's memory" when she went off with the new herd. She would never "worry" about forgetting her sister - because she will never forget. She honored and grieved in her way, and then moved on. 


She is home now - she has put on her weight like she did when she was young. I am wondering if some of her weight issues previously were because of her dying sister. She was largely a nervous horse, who was prone to being herd bound; but now, she is alone in the pasture, and very content. Her relationship is complete with her sister. And mine is complete with Steve. I stopped worrying about forgetting him - I will never forget him. I am accepting of the gift of remembering him healthy and happy, and yet, I have no illusions about the flaws of our relationship. And that is the gift of being a horse..and being human!

Social Networking Lawsuit

I am a fan of Social Networking! Oh, it has its good points and its bad points, but love it or hate it - we elected our last President via marketing on Social Networking. It's a POWERFUL tool for connecting us all!

One of my client associates sent me this great article about a groundbreaking case that was shared by a hotelier colleague - Human Resource Executive Online - Story .

Anytime new technology emerges, the law usually has to be tweaked or even re-created to accommodate issues and situations that arise. I will be interested to see how this case changes the meaning of "non-compete" in all industries. It brings up one of the issues we discussed in a recent  Social Networking webinar regarding having different Social Networking profiles for different purposes. It's dicey at best to be soliciting directly to your previous colleagues. However, posting different status messages, that are directed generally rather than specific messages to an individual - will likely have much more latitude in the legal venue.

I have a great deal of interest to see where this case ends up!